YOU PICK THE WINNER!!!
Hi boys and girls! Welcome to this weeks spectacular show of horsemanship riding skills. It's time for...
QUASIMOTO EQUITATION!!!
Featuring some of the best "Big Lick" trainers/riders in the Tennessee Walking Horse Breed!
Now children you need to pay attention to Quasimoto. Don't be listening to none of them thar uppity Saddleseat Equitation instructors that will try and tell you to keep your hands soft, your legs in proper alignment with heels down and forget that sitting up straight in the saddle shit.
That ain't how you want to ride if you plan on winning any BIG LICK classes!
Now you just take for example here our first hunchback. This rider is doing it up in a spectacular way!! Note the short, stubby hunchback appearance. See how his mighty toes point downward in the direction he's headed after he dies? See the wonderful 'agonizingly' happy look in the horses eyes? OH YES!! Horse and rider are having a wonderful time!! In fact the horse is enjoying having his mouth cranked back on by the 10" shank bit SO MUCH that he wore his best bracelets and high heels to the performance! Good thing he has those ELASTICON BANDAGES on his rear legs for support. It's very strenuous work hauling around a celebrity like Quasimoto!!! You never know when those rear legs might just SNAP OFF!!
Now lookie here at our second rider. A being so phenomenally 'out of whack' that we felt the need to feature him here on our blog, not once but TWO SEPERATE TIMES!!!
No children, this is not Donatello or Leonardo... But YES CHILDREN!!! You are correct. He is definitely a MUTANT NINJA TURTLE!! Perhaps the missing link of the quintet....
Again note the extreme happiness in the horses eyes! Boy does this horse love to perform! And Mr. Mutant Ninja Turtle is such a wonderful rider that he can manage those 10" long bit shanks without even having to keep them even!
Again, the happy horse saw fit to wear his Sunday best bracelets and high heels to the competition.
And now for our third and final rider. This guy automatically wins because not only is he the best at cranking on his horses mouth with those 10" shanks but he's a skinny little wimp and he can still HUNCH WITH THE BEST OF THEM!!What's more. he beats them all because he started his torturing of this happy horse EARLY!! This is a MERE TWO YEAR OLD!! That's right ladies and gents, this horse is still a BABY!! A BABY in high heels and chains and with curly hair on his legs!!!
KUDOS to this young hunchback for having the foresight to start his torture on this fine example of NATURAL GAIT, while it was STILL JUST A YEARLING!!! HOORAY!! YOU WIN!!!
YOU LAZY ASS TWH BIG LICK TRAINERS ARE A DISGRACE TO THE HORSE WORLD! You should all be put in jail for torturing these wonderful animals. YOU MAKE ME SICK!!!
Are you kidding me? These dudes are ramrod straight next to Ray Reis, a trainer in California who worked with Russ Thompson & Scott Benham. He's actually a pretty good horseman until he gets in the showring. Toes pointing down, everything wrong you can think of.
ReplyDeleteI'll bet the 10" shanks are on a sliding gag bit. They're very popular with some of the trainers.
Full disclosure: Ray worked with Junior. He loved the horse. I told him there would be nothing done to him to win. At shows in TN, where the USDA was turning them down by the bucketful, Junior always made it through.
Maybe that's why Russ fired him.
I meant to add this--I'm doing so well today...
ReplyDeleteYou want to know what's really stupid? The stack that colt is wearing is *LIGHTER THAN A LITE SHOD SHOE*.
Lite Shod my ass. The shoes are so freaking heavy they tear up the hooves like crazy. And they're so wide you can hide all sorts of crap under there.
You want another Stupid? In the early 90s they were using soft rubber stacks on the padded horses. No joint injuries, no unhappy horses, and the ones with the rubber shoes were crushing the sored ones.
So what did they do?
They banned the rubber shoes.
Makes my stomach turn that people do this to horses and brainwash themselves and others to think it is not just OK, that it's wonderful in some way...
ReplyDeleteLil ol me