Are you a Democrap, a Republican, or a Redneck?

Cute joke. It was sent to me by a friend. Turns out I'm a Redneck, even though I'm a registered Republican.

I guess I'm a Redneck!!!

Are you a Democrap, a Republican, or a Redneck?

Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

........................ THINK CAREFULLY AND THEN SCROLL DOWN:

Democrap's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.

........................... Republican's Answer:

BANG!

................................. Redneck's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG !

Click..... (Sounds of reloading)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Click........(More reloading)

Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Gold Dot Hollow Points?'

Son: 'Can I shoot the next one?'

Wife: 'You ain't taking that smelly, hairy ol thing to the Taxidermist!"

President Obams....WE NOTICED!!

This was sent to me by a friend. I think it worthy of passing on.

This was written by Sherry Hackett, Buddy Hackett's widow........

"WE NOTICED"

President Obama: Today I read of your administrations' plan to re-define September 11 as a 'National Service Day'.

Sir, it's time we had a talk..........

During your campaign, Americans watched as you made mockery of our tradition of standing and crossing your heart when the Pledge of Allegiance was spoken. You, out of four people on the stage, were the only one not honoring our tradition.

YES, "We noticed."

During one of your many speeches, Americans heard you say that you intended to visit all 57 states. We all know that Islam, not America has 57 states.

YES, "We noticed."

When President Bush leaned over at Ground Zero and gently placed a flower on the memorial, while you nonchalantly tossed your flower onto the pile without leaning over.

YES, "We noticed."

Every time you apologized to other countries for America 's position on an issue we have wondered why you don't share our pride in this great country. When you have heard foreign leaders berate our country and our beliefs, you have not defended us. In fact, you insulted the British Crown beyond belief.

YES, "We noticed."

When your pastor of 20 years, "God-damned America " and said that 9/11 was "America's chickens coming home to roost" and you denied having heard recriminations of that nature, we wondered how that could be. You later disassociated yourself from that church and Pastor Wright because it was politically expedient to do so.

YES, "We noticed."

When you announced that you would transform America , we wondered why. With all her faults, America is the greatest country on earth. Sir, KEEP THIS IN MIND, "if not for America and the people who built her, you wouldn't be sitting in the White House now."

Prior to your election to the highest office in this Country, you were a senator from Illinois and from what we can glean from the records available, not a very remarkable one.YES, "We noticed.." All through your campaign and even now, you have surrounded yourself with individuals who are basically unqualified for the positions for which you appointed them. Worse than that, the majority of them are people who, like you, bear no special allegiance, respect, or affection for this country and her traditions.

YES, "We noticed."

You are 9 months into your term and every morning millions of Americans wake up to a new horror heaped on us by you. You seek to saddle working Americans with a health care/insurance reform package that, along with cap and trade, will bankrupt this nation.

YES, "We noticed."

We seek, by protesting, to let our representatives know that we are not in favor of these crippling expenditures and we are labeled "un-American","racist", "mob". We wonder how we are supposed to let you know how frustrated we are. You have attempted to make our protests seem isolated and insignificant.. Until your appointment, Americans had the right to speak out.

YES, "We noticed."

On September 11, 2001 there were no Republicans or Democrats, only Americans. And we all grieved together and helped each other in whatever way we could. The attack on 9/11 was carried out because we are Americans.

And YES, "We noticed."

There were many of us who prayed that as a black president you could help unite this nation. In six months you have done more to destroy this nation than the attack on 9/11. You have failed us.

YES, "We noticed."

September 11 is a day of remembrance for all Americans. You propose to make 9/11 a "National Service Day". While we know that you don't share our reverence for 9/11, we pray that history will report your proposal as what it is...a disgrace.

YES, "We noticed."

You have made a mockery of our Constitution and the office that you hold. You have embarrassed and slighted us in foreign visits and policy.

YES, "We noticed.."

We have noticed all these things. We will deal with you. When Americans come together again, it will be to remove you from office.Take notice.

If you agree with this please pass it on.

I would like to add that this whole situation has very close similarities to another situation hundreds of years ago in France. Does everyone remember what happened to King Louis XVI and his lovely wife, Marie Antoinette....... Funny thing, it was King Louis XVI that actually invented the guillotine that later was used to behead him. Hmmmmmmmm.........

R.I.P. Common Sense!

Someone sent this to me. I don't know who wrote it but it pretty well sums up what our great country has come to.

An Obituary printed in the London Times.

Interesting and sadly rather true.

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;

- Why the early bird gets the worm;

- Life isn't always fair;

- and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.

Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Okay... The Party IS OVER!!!

Well, our annual Pimp and Ho Halloween came and went. For the most part it was great fun with lots of good friends and laughs. There were a few strange moments but for the most part it was all good.

As usual there were the normal bunch of friends, then there were a bunch of 'new-friends' (ie..."friends" we have never met nor particularly want to meet again). A few of the highlights and some of the more 'annoying' moments are written about below.

The party started out innocent enough...good food, lots of silly girls in silly "Ho" outfits and lots of very embarassed husbands at those same silly wives behaviour.

There were two school teachers here. They were dressed as slinky dance-hall girl type Ho's. Very adorable actually. They were having a great time with their husbands.

At about 9:00 pm our 'exotic dancer' (stripper) showed up. Her name was April, she was very cute, very sweet and a lot of fun. She took turns lap dancing for everyone. She was of course topless but was a 'good girl' and kept her undies on the whole time. It was all fun, nothing lewd or skanky.

What is it though about women, that when you get a bunch of middle age ladies together, throw in a bunch of booze and then Oh Gawd.... a Stripper, those "ladies" just seem to throw all caution to the wind and become "Pole Possessed"???

So we have our cute and young stripper girl "April" and she's dancing on the pole and she's only in her twenties, so she actually looks good topless. No sagging skin, no wrinkles and her boobies are nice and high and still perky. (Unlike us 'older' ladies).

Well all of a sudden there are 8 of my middle aged friends like myself and they are all vying for April's attention on the pole. The more alcohol they consume, the sexier they think they are and it becomes a middle-aged-pole dance competition! So here we have a bunch of women acting like drunken pole dancers, none of whom should ever expose their 40+ year old bodies to the public, and they are rip roaring drunk and having a great time!! The husbands are all sitting back shaking their heads and not quite sure what to make of all of it.

My girlfirend from high school is taking pictures (Literally HUNDREDS of them!) Well folks let me tell you... We had three school teachers, a fire-woman, a woman that works for the sherriff's dept as well as 2 nurses and a lawyer....... and they were all drunk, being goofy, exposing boobies everywhere and POLE DANCING!!!

I was laughing so hard I peed my pants!!

HELLO LADIES!!! You all have major important jobs where good behaviour is crucial and YOU ARE BEING PHOTOGRAPHED DANCING ON A BRASS POLE!! ROFLMAO!!!

After the party I had several women come up and ask what we were going to do with the pictures. I guess they were having second thoughts about being "photographed on a brass pole!" And, while I have no intention of ever publishing those pictures anywhere that would get them in any kind of trouble I have to ask them...... "Well, if you were so worried about it, what the hell were you doing on a brass pole dancing with your top off?"

Alcohol, girls and a brass pole.... it's a dangerous mix!

I have to say that it's never the men that misbehave at these parties, it's always the goofy, drunken wives. They for one night a year dress as sluts, get drunk and wild, shed clothing and each and every husband just watches from afar and wonders....... "Why don't we do this more often?"

I posted pictures on my facebook account (shawnavalenz@msn.com). Shawna Marie Bloom. They are pretty funny!