Friday, June 19, 2009

Party Crashers - There's one at every gathering!


We have a very nice backyard complete with pool, jacuzzi, landscaped and manicured lawns and gardens, guest house, tiki huts, etc....

http://www.nelligansisland.com/

Well, all summer long of course we host small get togethers and bar-b-ques with our closest friends and family. Almost every weekend we have something small going on here. About twice a year we host very large parties/bar-b-ques. Usually a huge one on our good friend Dave's birthday (mid June), a huge 4th of July bash and then in October a Halloween Pimp and Ho party. At the larger parties we might sometimes have as many as 100 people show up!

For the most part they have all been invited. Sometimes a friend will bring a friend of theirs as well, no big deal.... But when people that are total whack-jobs show up out of the blue and you have absolutely no idea who they are, things can get kind of weird.

At one of our larger parties last year we had close to 100 people attend of which at least 20 of them were children. It was a hot day and everyone was having a great time hanging out in the pool and jacuzzi. Towards the later afternoon several of the men headed for the bar-b-que/bar/tiki hut to all enjoy a good cigar. My girlfriend and I went with them to serve drinks and beer while the guys smoked. A few of the kids tagged along just to be annoying (but hey, that's what kids do, so we all just tolerate it).

We know most everyone there, but as with any party there are a few no-names that we have never seen before but this kind of just goes along with having big parties, again for the most part no big deal.

So the guys are all at the bar smoking their cigars, and my girlfriend and I are behind the bar fetching beers for the guys, when up saunters this 19-20 year old kid. I have never seen him before but he seems nice enough. So anyway, teen-boy saunters up to the bar and of course one of the men offers him up a cigar. "That's okay" says teen-boy, "I brought my own". He then proceeds to pull out a joint and light it right there in front of everyone.

I see him immediately and yell over to him "Uh, HELLO... I LIVE HERE." Meaning "What the fuck are you doing lighting up a joint here at my home?"

Stupid-ass teen boy just looks at me with the typical druggie blank look on his face and extends his hand and says "Hi, I'm Robert."

Ignoring his hand I ask him "Did you just dare to light up a joint here at MY party, at MY bar in front of OUR KIDS?"

"Uh, oh, uh sorry" he stammers "You want some?" He tries to pass me the joint.

"Fuck no I don't want some, what the fuck are you doing lighting that shit up here at my party, AT MY HOUSE, and while we are at it WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?"

By now I'm really yelling and the guys who were busy yakking a minute ago all turn around and FINALLY take notice of the moron with the joint in his hand.

I could visually see him shrink about 6 inches, realizing that with 9 men all over 6' tall and 195 pounds and up looking at him like they are about to tear him apart, he probably did not act appropriately here at this crazy ladies party.

"Yeah, who the hell are you anyway" our friend Jim asks, while snatching the joint out of teen-boys hand and crushing it beneath his size 13 feet.

"Uh, I told you, I'm Robert. I'm a friend of Jack's, he invited me" he stammers, now obviously wondering what the hell he was doing there.

"Look Robert" I snarl at him. "I don't know you or what you are doing here and who the hell is Jack?"

"Uh, you know Jack, that does the masonry. He's a friend of Tom, Tom Warner." He's now desperately trying to validate his presence at a party where he was NOT invited and had no idea was so anti-drugs of any kind.

"Tom is not even here at this party" one of the guys yells back at teen boy.

"I know, he couldn't come but he told Jack that it would be okay if I went."

Okay let's get this straight..... someone I barely knew but invited anyway, told someone else that I never have met that he could invite you to my party? Huh? How does that work exactly?

"Jack said your husband was a biker and he wouldn't have a problem with me coming."
whines teen boy.

I am standing there with my mouth just gaping open, in total awe of the mass stupidity that this boy is exhibiting.

Okay, now you've pissed me off....

"You think because my husband is a 'biker' that you, someone we don't even know and have never seen before, can just crash MY PARTY (I'm shouting now) AND LIGHT UP A JOINT IN FRONT OF MY KIDS?"

I now have a Corona bottle in my hand and am very tempted to use it on his head.

Now my husband, and the other guys are getting worried. Worried that psycho wife from hell is about to commit murder. They way to gently (I thought) pick up teen pot boy, and with each man holding him by an arm, and carry him out of the yard and to his car.

He leaves and of course we never here from him again.

We have since then notified all our friends that if they are invited and want to bring someone else, we must be notified and they are responsible for that persons behaviour.

Tomorrow we are having another birthday party here for our friend Dave. We'll see how it goes. I'm sure though that teen pot boy will not have the balls to crash another party here again!

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