You are restricted for the rest of your life!!!

My husband is a funny man. He has his ways of doing things and he is very set in those ways. No begging or pleading can ever get him to waiver from being so "It's my way or the highway." He's not anal about many things but there are a few "Golden Rules" that we must 'obey' or he's sure armageddon will arrive. When I write or talk about these 'rules', I invariably always ending up laughing so hard I almost pee my pants. He of course can not see the humor in his 'rules' the way I can and is sure I poke fun of them just to make him mad. I'll let you all be the judge....

Golden Rule (Commandment) #1: This is the 1st rule of Nels' 10 commandments...
"Thou shalt not bring margarine into this household!"
That's right, we live with a permanent ban on margarine in this house. No way, no how, is margarine allowed within the walls of this home. Nels is convinced that margarine is just 1 molecule away from being plastic. I think he thinks that by eating margarine, you will end up at an older age with this big old wad of plastic in your digestive tract. ONLY REAL BUTTER MAY TRANSVERSE THE THRESHOLD TO OUR HOME! And, yes..... he CAN tell the difference.

Golden Rule (Commandment) #2:
"Thou shalt not wear any garments to bed of any kind!"
I have never been able to get a logical answer as to why this rule must be followed as stringently as it is. Whenever asked his answer is always the same.... "I don't like the feel of pajamas against my skin".... Okay...... so then 'you' go ahead and sleep naked, I personally don't mind the feel of pajamas, why can't I wear them? "Because I told you..... I don't like the feel of pajamas against my skin".... Okay, but I don't mind the...... "I TOLD YOU THE ANSWER IS NO!"
......alrighty then, let's move on.....

Golden Rule (Commandment) #3:
"Thou shall make sure that there is always FRESHLY BREWED, FRESHLY GROUND COFFEE available upon his lordships waking every morning." There are no exceptions or excuses for this rule not being carried out. There had better be coffee in the morning or God in heaven 'will' strike me down with a lightening bolt, you'd better be sure! Okay, well I need a cup in the morning too, to get started so no big deal....

Golden Rule (Commandment) #4:
"Honor thy Mother and Father" but "PAY ATTENTION TO ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!" Okay, yeah..., blah,blah,blah... blee,blee,blee.... My father used to tell me the same thing but he did it up one better.... His "Pay attention to me when I'm talking to you!" was usually followed up with a "Or I'll put you on restriction for the REST OF YOUR LIFE!" Okay, dad, yeah... go ahead and just try and enforce that one.

Golden Rule (Commandment) #5:
"Thall shalt not leave to go anywhere without letting the big kahuna know where you are going, when you are going, how long you are going to be gone, and when you are coming back." Heaven forbid I be out of contact for an hour while I try and get some excercise at CURVES!! Okay, I'll just remain chubby then....

Golden Rule (Commandment) #6:
"Thall shalt NOT argue nor shall thou talk back!" Same rule applies as it did when I was a child. "Don't argue with me cause I'm older and I know what is best." "But Dad...." I would argue. "I said don't argue!" He'd shout, all the while his face getting redder and redder..... "But Dad..." I tried to plead my case....... "THAT'S IT!!! GO TO YOUR ROOM, YOU ARE ON RESTRICTION FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!"

Once I said to my husband... "You know, you're just like my dad. He used to get mad and tell me I was restricted for the rest of my life..... hahahahaha... how can anyone ever actually enforce that?" My husband just laughed and said "You're married to me now, trust me, your dad knows it's still being enforced."

Golden Rule (Commandment) #7:
"Thou shalt NOT block your clock on your nightstand from my view at any time!" Okay, let me get this right..... You have a nightstand and I have a nightstand...... We each have our own alarm clocks on our nightstand...... One on your side and one on my side. I also have other stuff on my nightstand such as face creams, make-up, lotions, etc..... but if anything on "MY" nightstand blocks "MY" clock from your view, you go bonkers.... "Why can't you look at your own clock on your nightstand?" I ask...... "Because I like looking at your clock." he replies. "Okay then, I'll move my clock to your nightstand and I'll take your clock. That way if anything blocks your view on my nightstand, you can still see the time on your 'favorite' clock, which is 'my' clock, on your nightstand."
"NO!" he grumbles.
"What do you mean no?" I ask.
"I said NO!" "No is no." "I don't like your clock on my nightstand I like your clock on your nightstand." He's now getting agitated.
I open my mouth to reply but before I can get a single argumentative word out, he looks at me and says those all so familiar words that I have heard my entire life... "DON'T ARGUE WITH ME!" (I know, I know.... or I'll be restricted for the rest of my life....")

Golden Rule (Commandment) #8:
"Thou shall ONLY buy BOB'S BIG BOY BLUE CHEESE DRESSING for my salads." Now, I can of course buy whatever I want for my salads but for 'his' salads, it had better be blue cheese and it had better be "BOB'S BLUE CHEESE!" Don't be bringing home none of that Marie Calendar's shit.... (Some things are just easier 'not' to argue about)

Golden Rule (Commandment) #9:
"Thall shall be the driver whenever we go anywhere." Okay, that one is fine with me. For one, I know you drive all day going back and forth to job sites and you are exhausted when you get home. Second, I know all the driving really does cause you discomfort in your hips, so not a problem, I'm happy to do it (Besides I drive so much better anyway - hehehe)

And finally....

Golden Rule (Commandment) #10:
Always remember.......
"YOU ARE RESTRICTED FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!"
(I'm sure my dad told him to use this one......)
Thanks Dad!